Wrapped around his little finger...

I'm in serious trouble. Once this little boy is calling me 'mama' with intent (says it all the time now but I don't think he knows what it means yet) and telling me he loves me I'm going to be toast.

Mack isn't much of a snuggler at all. It's been probably since he was 2 or 3 months old that he actually fell asleep on me, and then not without a fight. But that's exactly what he did last night. He was in the absolute best, sweetest mood even though he was getting pretty tired. It was only about 7:20, so we were trying to hold him off for another 15-20 minutes because if we put him to bed before 8 he just thinks it's a nap. He was sitting next to me on the couch and kept laying his head down against my chest and then sitting back up to grin at Ryan and me, all the while sucking on his lip and holding his favorite blanket the way he does that makes my heart melt e.v.e.r.y.t.i.m.e. After about 10 minutes of this, he actually fell asleep! I snuggled him and soaked it all in for about 20 minutes, before I felt like I really needed to wake him up if we had any hope of getting him to bed at a decent time.

Boy am I in trouble with this one...

You're going to miss this...

We've had some bad nights lately and I keep reminding myself how very quickly these days go by.

I don't know if little man is teething, dealing with separation anxiety, or what, but he has been struggling to say the least. I'm talking screaming for an hour and half, won't go to sleep until we take him for a ride in the car, then only sleeping in his car seat. Oy...

He's never been a terrific sleeper - seems like we've worked through one issue after another since the beginning. We've been planning to do a little sleep training after our holiday travels to get Mack to sleep through the night instead of waking up twice. Now I'd be thrilled with his usual two wake-ups...

I get REALLY discouraged and stressed about his sleeping. When I hear about other babies his age who've slept through the night from the get-go, I figure I have to be doing something wrong. I feel like we're doing everything the 'experts' recommend, and it doesn't make a difference. I just want so badly to do the right things for him. I know we'll get there eventually, it's just tough at the moment.

I know I have to keep things in perspective - I have a healthy, happy, awesome little boy and an amazing husband who loves us both. So when I'm up with Mack for the fourth time before 3am, and I just want to cry right along with him, I remind myself how truly blessed I am and how quickly these days are passing by. And I snuggle him a little closer :)

Pre-Christmas pictures

I already take what seems like a ridiculous amount of pictures, but now that we finally got our new camera, I think it may just become a little bit obsessive. The camera had quite the adventure getting to our house - apparently it was loaded on a UPS delivery truck that went in the ditch along I-35. After I obsessively (sensing a theme here?) tracked the status online all day and checked the front step more times than I can count, the package's status was updated to 'Emergency conditions beyond UPS' control.' What?? Thankfully it arrived in one piece the next day. Now I just have to figure the crazy thing out - our copy of 'Canon Rebel T1i for Dummies' should be here soon to help out. (The first picture is the only one taken with the new camera - any difference in picture quality?)

Trying on new hat and mittens - I doubt the mittens are going to keep his hands real warm if they're wet from him sucking on them all the time...

'Helping' mommy sew - aka rolling around the floor in fabric scraps

'Helping' mommy bake..."Mom, do you know how many calories are in a serving?!"

"Why do they call it reindeer poop? This doesn't look like my poop..."

"Let's make pretzels now! I'll help by crushing them into tiny pieces."

Being super cute - what a big boy!

Hanging his ornament on the tree with Daddy

Baby's first Christmas ornament :)

Mack - 2, Mommy - 0

I learned a lesson today the hard way - Mack is a crazy little man these days! We started off the morning with a little poop in the tub - first time we've had this happen. I saw it coming too, just couldn't act quick enough. He hadn't been soaped up yet either, so I took him out of his tub and set him on the bathroom floor while I drained the tub, wiped it out with a lysol wipe, rinsed, and repeated. Of course then he decided to pee on the floor too. Silly little boy.

A little later we had lunch at South Union with one of my old coworkers (who is expecting her own little troublemaker in a few months). Mack and I shared my water and bread, and I even gave him a little chicken from my soup, but apparently it wasn't enough for him. There I was feeling all super momish - holding Mack and keeping him happy while I ate, sharing my food with him, and carrying on a conversation all at the same time. Then he grabbed the still nearly-full bowl of soup (which, thankfully, had cooled significantly) and poured the entire thing all over us. At least it was cold enough today that there weren't too many people in the usually packed restaurant. Neither of us is worse for wear, although my cute fuzzy black snow boots now look like someone yacked all over them - awesome :). He's quite good at humbling me and putting me in my place...

What should I be when I grow up?

So this post is really more about me than it is about Macklin, although it would obviously affect him. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I LOVE, LOVE being a SAHM to my little man, but I know that I'm going to want to work at some point. Maybe not until Mack and any future siblings are in school, but eventually I do plan to work again.

I thought when I went back to school to get my accounting degree that I had found the perfect gig for a mom who wants to work part-time. And maybe that's still possible, I just don't know where to find it. I had hoped that I'd be able to do it at EY, but at least in the current economic environment, flex arrangements are few and far between. I've looked around a bit and really haven't seen anything that would work. Again, who knows how much of this is related to the economy - maybe it'll be a different story in a couple of years.

In theory, since I have my CPA I should be able to work for myself - find my own clients, set my own hours, work out of my home, etc. Sounds pretty perfect, right? But where are these clients and how do I find them?

Don't get me wrong - I love being a SAHM. I adore my son and I consider it an absolute blessing to be able to stay home with him. I am so happy that Ryan is able to provide for us and that his job enables me to be home with Macklin. I know that what I'm doing is vitally important to Mack's development during these formative years, and that there is no job more important than shaping the life of a child. But...

I'm getting a little better with this, but as I've told Ryan a few times - sometimes I feel like I don't do anything! I've got the hanging-out-with-Mack-while-he's-awake part down great - we play together and have a fantastic time. He's such a happy kid that it's infectious - you can't help smiling around him. But now that he's napping better, I have a lot more free time on my hands. There's only so much cleaning I can do. I've worked on my scrapbooks a bit, but after about a week of that I feel like I'm out of fresh ideas and need a break from it. I've read a few books in the last few months, but they never last me more than a few days.

I've been on the hunt for a project. I've thought off and on over the last couple of years about getting my master's, which would qualify me to teach at the college level someday. So I need to decide if that's something I truly want to do at some point. Because if I don't, having a master's in accounting will do nothing else for me and it would be an absolute waste of my time and money to pursue. Ninety percent of my coworkers at EY had their master's and we were all on the same level. As much as I love school and would enjoy taking classes, it'd be silly to pursue it if I'm not going to use it . Although Ryan thought it sounded just fine if I want to take classes for the fun of it - according to him, all good hobbies are expensive :)

Because it would give me more options, in theory, I've also looked into getting my MBA. In addition to qualifying me to teach, I could also potentially work as a consultant. I could do so either through Iowa State or the University of Iowa, as both have part-time programs here in town. After a little bit of research and some practical thinking, I've realized this doesn't make much sense because -

1) it would cost around $25,000!!!! That's a really expensive hobby, and

2) who is really going to hire me as a consultant down the road when I haven't worked for 5-10 years?

So what should I do? Since I have so much trouble making up my mind on my own, I've taken to consulting my Dove Promises wrappers in hopes of finding an answer. So far I have...

'Learn to let go.'

'Love yourself. Dare to dream. Live on purpose.'

'Savor the now!'

'Chase your dreams.'

Hmmm, seems like I'm getting conflicting advice. And a belly ache. Maybe this isn't the best method.

Seriously though, I've kind of determined that, at least at this point in time, future schooling isn't really in the cards. Or, it at least needs a lot more thought and I can't plan to start this spring like I would've liked. I'm still so up in the air about it all that it doesn't make sense for me to jump in now. If nothing else, researching my options gave me something to do for a few days :).

Being a parent feels overwhelming at times...

Being a parent feels overwhelming at times. My son is only 6 months old and at this stage, it's relatively easy to meet his needs.

He needs to be fed - this one's really easy since he nurses well and loves (most of) the solids we've introduced thus far. Little man wasn't a big fan of the sweet potatoes I slaved over, but hopefully he'll learn to love (or at least tolerate) my cooking.

He needs to sleep. I believe that sleep is vital to his well-being and development, and am pretty protective of respecting his bedtime and naps. That's not to say our entire world revolves around his sleep at this point, as I do think there needs to be flexibility.

He needs to learn new skills and learn about the world around him. Again, this one's easy at this point - he learns through play and just being here. It's been so fun to watch him grow and learn new skills and become more interested in different objects. He's thrilled to sit and play with his toys, and loves to grab at things just outside his reach. He's not too interested in learning to crawl, but he has mastered rolling like a little tumbleweed across the floor. He notices EVERYTHING, and is way more interested in my things (cell phone, remote, coffee mug, etc.) than in any of his toys.

He needs to be loved - the easiest one of all. What's easier to love than a happy, chubby little baby? He does the sweetest things that just melt my heart...he sucks on his lower lip and plays with my hair when he's tired, he grabs my face and tries to eat my nose when I give him kisses, chatters happily in his crib when he wakes up, I could go on and on. I could just love on this little boy all day long.

When I start thinking into the future though, and what an incredible responsibility raising a child is, I get scared and overwhelmed about the task before Ryan and I. We want Macklin to grow into a child and someday a man who loves God and lives for Him, and is a man of honor who works hard, and respects himself and others. Wow, when I put it all into words like that, I really should be a little scared - what a big job!

I've recently polled some friends and family about books they've benefited from about raising children, and specifically about raising boys. I asked about two specific books I'd been looking at, and also asked for suggestions about other books. Instead of narrowing my choice down between these two, I ended up ordering them both, along with three others that had been recommended. It's a good thing I love reading so much :) I'm excited to dive into them and share my thoughts on them as well. Hopefully we (yep, Ryan's going to read them too, he just doesn't know it yet) will get some great ideas from them.

'Firsts' in pictures

One of his first smiles

First swim

First concert

First roadtrip

First movie

First solid food

First time sitting without support

First Cyclones football game (we won!)

First tooth

First trip to the beach

Where has the time gone?

My baby is already 6 months old! How did that happen? I realize I'm starting this a bit late and I'm thinking I should start with a quick recap of the last 6+ months.

Macklin James entered our world on Tuesday, April 21, 2009. My due date wasn't until the 25th, and I had convinced myself I was going to go past due with my first, so it was quite a surprise when my water broke that afternoon. That Tuesday was my fourth day of my maternity leave and I had a long list made of things to do that day - nowhere on that list was 'give birth'! After only 10 hours of labor (the first four of which I wasn't feeling much) and an hour of pushing, we had our sweet little boy. We fell in love immediately with our beautiful, perfect little baby.

When we brought him home I was a lot more scared than I had expected. I'd been around babies plenty, including my sister as a newborn, so I thought I had this stuff down. I wasn't prepared for how much I was going to love and therefore worry about this helpless little baby who was counting on me for everything. I was absolutely terrified that I was going to do something wrong or inadvertently hurt him or something. Thankfully that all changed as Mack and I got to know each other and I got used to this mommy business.

Lots more has changed in the last 6 months. It's impossible to understand just how completely a baby changes your life until you have one of your own. During my pregnancy I was dead-set on returning to work, hoping to go back part-time but planning to no matter what. Just a week before I had Macklin, I was driving to work and crying on the phone to Ryan telling him that there was absolutely no way I could quit my job because I loved it so much. After I had Macklin and before we even left the hospital, I'd done a complete 180 and the thought of going back to work had me in tears. Thankfully Ryan was extremely supportive of me staying home and we were able to afford it, so I became a SAHM.

I love being home with Macklin and am so thankful for all the time I'm able to spend with him and just soak him up. Because of the flexibility that comes with being a SAHM, I've been able to just let him set his own schedule and let Macklin be Macklin. I've never been one for putting babies on schedules, and I'm glad I never tried with him because I think I would've ended up really frustrated when I couldn't get him to nap longer than 30 minutes at a time because of his reflux and gassy little belly. Instead I decided to just roll with it and realized that he'd grow out of it when he was ready. We've now fallen into a decent routine, and my little boy who seemed to claim that 'naps are for sissies' has become an awesome napper and very happy boy. Now that he's napping better and I have more time on my hands, though, I've decided I need to find some projects...

We've already had a lot of 'firsts' and I haven't been great about writing them all down...bad mommy. Thankfully I have taken pictures so I can look back that way :). So here goes a list of some of Macklin's firsts...

trip: 5 days old. I needed out of the house so we went to Slumberland to look at a new couch for downstairs. It was on a Sunday and it was nice and quiet, uncrowded place to go.

real bath: 10 days old, after his cord fell off.

smile: 4 weeks, 6 days. Although gpa Nick claimed Macklin had been smiling at him for weeks already, we decided he had his first real social smiles right around 5 weeks. I have an adorable picture of him smiling at his little Fisher-Price seahorse on this day :).

time away from Mom & Dad: 7 weeks, 3 days. Macklin got to hang out with gpa Nick and gma Jane while Ryan and I went to a Coldplay concert. We had planned to go with friends and bought the tickets while I was still pregnant. At the time, I was sure I'd be okay with being away from him for several hours by then. In reality, although I enjoyed the night out, I cried quietly throughout the concert and couldn't wait for it to be over.

rolling over: 8ish weeks? I'm fuzzy on this one...bad mommy.

swim: 8 weeks, 4 days. We took him in the pool in Clear Lake and he loved it!

sleeping through the night: 10 weeks. After struggling to get him to sleep in his bassinet or crib, we bought him the Nap Nanny which is contoured like a car seat. He slept through the night his 3rd night in it, and continued to either sleep through the night or wake up once to eat until about 4 months. And then he must have heard his mommy say she missed him at night, and promptly starting waking up at least twice...

concert: 11 weeks, 2 days. We took Macklin along with us to see Mat Kearney at Nitefall on the River. He did great since he loves being outside - just chilled in my sling the whole time.

road trip: 12 weeks, 3 days. We headed to Hibbing to see my parents again, and for him to meet the rest of the family. Stinkin' MN road construction added an extra 1.5 hours to an already long trip, so we were all very tired of being in the car by the time we got there. But we enjoyed seeing family when we finally arrived.

movie: 4 months, 1 week. Emme was staying with us for a week, and we decided to go see a matinee showing of 'Shorts.' Macklin was great the entire time and even took a short nap.

solids: 4 months, 11 days. We started with a little YoBaby! yogurt and it wasn't a huge hit. He decided he'd rather suck on his Bumbo than eat the runny crap I was trying to shovel in.

sitting up: 4 months, 11 days. He sat on his own without support, although he was still pretty tippy.

laugh: 4 months, 11 days. No, that's not a typo - this was a big day for him. Ryan had been out of town for 4 days, so apparently he was saving it all up for him :). Although we'd gotten plenty of little 'huh's out of him, this was his first real big laugh. He was having so much fun sitting up that he turned into a little giggle monster.

football game: 5 months, 5 days. We took Macklin to a Cyclones game on a perfect September evening. He did fantastic since he loves being outside so much, and even managed to get in a little nap on my lap even with the noisy crowd. And I discovered that a first-aid station makes a good place to nurse a baby.

airplane ride: couple days shy of 6 months. Mack and I went to visit gpa Nick and gma Jane in FL. He did pretty good on the plane despite the poor timing...little guy had an ear infection diagnosed 4 days before we left.

tooth: one day shy of 6 months. We'd been convinced Macklin had a tooth ready to break through at any moment back in September, and gma Jane kept saying she wasn't leaving for FL until that tooth showed up. They had to leave then anyway, but Mack's saved it for her - it came in during our 3 day trip to FL :).

visit to the beach: one day shy of 6 months. Although I took several great pictures that made it look like he was having a fantastic time, Macklin gave the beach a giant 'fail.'

There's my 'quick' (ha!) summary of our last 6 months...much more to follow :).